Praise

For my birthday I was given the book The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin - it is a marvelous book and I would highly recommend it.  In it Rubin devotes a year to her Happiness Project and each month focuses on a different aspect in her life and strives to make it happier.  I was intrigued in her "Parenthood" chapter when she mentioned the book How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk was life changing for her.  Rubin said, "As part of my research for the month, I reread, for the fourth time, the collected works of the world's greatest parenting experts, Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish, and in particular their two masterpieces, Siblings Without Rivalry and How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk.  I discovered these books when a friend of mine mentioned that two friends of hers had the best-behaved children she'd ever seen.  So when I met that couple, I asked for their secret - and they swore by How to Talk So Kids Will Listen.  I ordered it that night, and I became and instant follower of Faber and Mazlish."

I was intrigued because she read the book four times!  I figured it had to be good so I too ordered one right away.  I love this book.  It is full of insightful advice not just about raising children but on human interactions.  I wanted to share a bit from my favorite chapter "Praise".  

Praise and Self - Esteem

Instead of Evaluating

("Good"…"Great!"…"Fantastic!")

Describe

1. Describe what you see

"I see a clean floor, a smooth bed, and books neatly lined up on the shelf."

2. Describe what you feel

"It's a pleasure to walk into this room!"

3. Sum up the Child's praiseworthy behavior with a word

"You sorted your Legos, cars, and farm animals, and put them in separate boxes.  That's what I call organization!"

I tried this with my kids this morning.  We have never had such a positive morning.  Usually mornings are a mad dash full of threatenings and bribes to get everyone out the door fed, beds made and prepared for school.  It was a huge difference.  The kids were independent and proud of their efforts and results. I also found that I was giving sincere compliments and praise.  Instead of mumbling "good job" and only half noticing and acknowledging what they did I found I had to take a minute and really see what they did and think for a moment how to make them feel as proud as I felt.  I also felt a shift in my attitude.  Instead of focusing on negative I started searching for all the positive things my children did so that I could praise them effectively.

This is only one of the many little tidbits of helpful suggestions for better interactions.  I am nearly finished and can't wait to start Siblings Without Rivalry.