Robert has recently introduced me to my Podcast app. I had
never really opened the app, so I had no idea that you could subscribe to a
vast array of podcast stations/episodes for free. He had listened to a
podcast on the “You are Not So Smart” station entitled ‘Happy Money’.
David, the host, interviews psychologist Elizabeth Dunn about
her new book (she co-wrote it with Michael Norton, a marketing expert), “Happy
Money.” As David sets the stage for the
interview, he gives an overview of what her book is about. He states, “It’s peculiar, your inability to
predict what will make you happy, and that inability leads you to do stupid
things with your money. Once you get a
decent job that allows you to buy new shoes on a whim, you start accumulating
stuff, and the psychological research into happiness says that stuff is a
crappy source of lasting joy. …If you want to be happy you should buy
experiences. To maximize your happiness,
make those experiences treats instead of routines, share them with others, buy
them as far in advance of when you will enjoy them as you can, and avoid
wasting money on objects that won’t affect how you spend your time on a typical
Tuesday.”
To further illustrate this point, here is a small excerpt from
their interview:
David: “In the section on buying treats, you focus on the idea
that boredom is a relationship killer, and that novelty, along with absence,
can actually make the heart grow fonder. Can you expound on that a little bit?”
Elizabeth: “Sure, yeah. So novelty is something that really
excites our emotions, unleashes our potential for happiness. One of the problems with long-term
relationships is that the person that was once our new and exciting first date
becomes our spouse, and then as wonderful as that person might be, they are no
longer offering us that thrill of novelty. But luckily it turns out that you can
inject that novelty back into a relationship. And, in fact, doing something as
simple as completing a wacky obstacle course with your partner can give you the
feeling that your relationship is novel and exciting again. Just doing something novel and
exciting with your partner can make you feel like that person is actually new
and exciting.”
David: “How does that translate into advice that you would give
on how to spend our money and purchase things better?”
Elizabeth: “One thing that I think about with
my husband is that it is worthwhile to spend money on something that is really
new and exciting that we could do together…. I am thinking for our five year
anniversary of taking him on a hot air balloon ride. Now it’s expensive and it seems kind
of indulgent because it’s like this thing that costs a lot of money and in two
hours it’s over and you’re left with nothing, but I think you are left with
something important, and that’s this feeling that your relationship is
exciting. Doing these kinds
of unexpected novel exciting things together can make that lasting difference,
but those new and exciting things often cost money, and I would argue that it’s
probably actually money well spent.”
(For more
information and to listen to the podcast, click here.)
I have thought a lot about
the idea of connections and novelty.
Last summer, at Mary’s house, we had a BBQ and then a photo shoot. If I recall correctly, everyone was laughing
hysterically as we posed for the camera!
We did something novel together.
It was fantastic and brought us all closer together. I think back to some of my fondest memories
growing up, and they include going on family vacations to St. George, Maui,
Disneyland, and Lake
Powell. I can recall Mom and Dad telling me that to
them it was worth every penny to take these vacations as it brought everyone
closer together. I believe they were on
the right track. It is rather amazing
that we are all friends.
Mom and Dad have always stressed
the importance of continuing to date after you are married. Although dinner and a movie is what readily
comes to mind for a date, I would have to say my most memorable dates with
Robert have been when we do something different (i.e. novel). When we lived in Utah,
we went camping at Strawberry
Lake (and I caught a fish
or two!). Other times we have gone
running together, and just talked as we took in the great outdoors. Last summer we purchased backpacking
equipment and a tent, and we took Max and Kate backpacking/camping (which they
vividly remember and frequently inquire as to when our next camp out is going to
be). I would argue that you do not need
to spend a lot of money to make your relationships stronger, but rather an
active imagination.
Lately I have tried to
inject novelty into my day-to-day routine.
I am more home-bound than I have ever been, and so I decided to do
“Something Fun” every day with Max and Kate.
We have had a sock ball fight, made homemade play dough, filled the
kitchen sinks with water and plenty of dish soap (and then played in the
bubbles), made pine cone bird feeders, sampled spices (and wrote down if they
made us smile or frown), cut out “blocks” for the bath out of foam paper, created
treasure hunts, etc. It has been so good
for all of us to have Something Fun to do every day.
All of us have
relationships- friends, siblings, parents, children, spouses, teachers,
neighbors- and we are happier, according to the research done by Elizabeth
Dunn, when we are making new and exciting connections with them. How can you inject novelty into your
relationships?
-Julie
