Novelty

Robert has recently introduced me to my Podcast app.  I had never really opened the app, so I had no idea that you could subscribe to a vast array of podcast stations/episodes for free.  He had listened to a podcast on the “You are Not So Smart” station entitled ‘Happy Money’.

David, the host, interviews psychologist Elizabeth Dunn about her new book (she co-wrote it with Michael Norton, a marketing expert), “Happy Money.”  As David sets the stage for the interview, he gives an overview of what her book is about.  He states, “It’s peculiar, your inability to predict what will make you happy, and that inability leads you to do stupid things with your money.  Once you get a decent job that allows you to buy new shoes on a whim, you start accumulating stuff, and the psychological research into happiness says that stuff is a crappy source of lasting joy. …If you want to be happy you should buy experiences.  To maximize your happiness, make those experiences treats instead of routines, share them with others, buy them as far in advance of when you will enjoy them as you can, and avoid wasting money on objects that won’t affect how you spend your time on a typical Tuesday.”

To further illustrate this point, here is a small excerpt from their interview:

David: “In the section on buying treats, you focus on the idea that boredom is a relationship killer, and that novelty, along with absence, can actually make the heart grow fonder.  Can you expound on that a little bit?”

Elizabeth: “Sure, yeah.  So novelty is something that really excites our emotions, unleashes our potential for happiness.  One of the problems with long-term relationships is that the person that was once our new and exciting first date becomes our spouse, and then as wonderful as that person might be, they are no longer offering us that thrill of novelty.  But luckily it turns out that you can inject that novelty back into a relationship.  And, in fact, doing something as simple as completing a wacky obstacle course with your partner can give you the feeling that your relationship is novel and exciting again.  Just doing something novel and exciting with your partner can make you feel like that person is actually new and exciting.”

David: “How does that translate into advice that you would give on how to spend our money and purchase things better?”

Elizabeth: “One thing that I think about with my husband is that it is worthwhile to spend money on something that is really new and exciting that we could do together….  I am thinking for our five year anniversary of taking him on a hot air balloon ride.  Now it’s expensive and it seems kind of indulgent because it’s like this thing that costs a lot of money and in two hours it’s over and you’re left with nothing, but I think you are left with something important, and that’s this feeling that your relationship is exciting.  Doing these kinds of unexpected novel exciting things together can make that lasting difference, but those new and exciting things often cost money, and I would argue that it’s probably actually money well spent.”

(For more information and to listen to the podcast, click here.) 

I have thought a lot about the idea of connections and novelty.  Last summer, at Mary’s house, we had a BBQ and then a photo shoot.  If I recall correctly, everyone was laughing hysterically as we posed for the camera!  We did something novel together.  It was fantastic and brought us all closer together.  I think back to some of my fondest memories growing up, and they include going on family vacations to St. George, Maui, Disneyland, and Lake Powell.  I can recall Mom and Dad telling me that to them it was worth every penny to take these vacations as it brought everyone closer together.  I believe they were on the right track.  It is rather amazing that we are all friends.

Mom and Dad have always stressed the importance of continuing to date after you are married.  Although dinner and a movie is what readily comes to mind for a date, I would have to say my most memorable dates with Robert have been when we do something different (i.e. novel).  When we lived in Utah, we went camping at Strawberry Lake (and I caught a fish or two!).  Other times we have gone running together, and just talked as we took in the great outdoors.  Last summer we purchased backpacking equipment and a tent, and we took Max and Kate backpacking/camping (which they vividly remember and frequently inquire as to when our next camp out is going to be).  I would argue that you do not need to spend a lot of money to make your relationships stronger, but rather an active imagination. 

Lately I have tried to inject novelty into my day-to-day routine.  I am more home-bound than I have ever been, and so I decided to do “Something Fun” every day with Max and Kate.  We have had a sock ball fight, made homemade play dough, filled the kitchen sinks with water and plenty of dish soap (and then played in the bubbles), made pine cone bird feeders, sampled spices (and wrote down if they made us smile or frown), cut out “blocks” for the bath out of foam paper, created treasure hunts, etc.  It has been so good for all of us to have Something Fun to do every day.

All of us have relationships- friends, siblings, parents, children, spouses, teachers, neighbors- and we are happier, according to the research done by Elizabeth Dunn, when we are making new and exciting connections with them.  How can you inject novelty into your relationships?

-Julie